this is a mask I've put on; a facade
you know this.
this is why I choose to associate with
people who aren't normal, people who can see past the mask
maybe they can fix me, maybe they can break me again
I wouldn't know.
I don't know anything anymore.
sometimes, I'm just empty
and that leaves me with an ache, wishing I could feel
sometimes, I feel too much
and I'm clawing at my skin, begging for it to stop
I think about the trauma, I think about my experiences
I know other people have it worse
I know this isn't much in the greater scheme of things
I keep telling myself that, but I'm nowhere near altruistic
I keep looping back and forth between wanting and hating myself for wanting
please has never been a word I liked, my pride wouldn't allow it
and now all I am is a series of apologies
between my manic upswings and the crash afterwards
I'm so tired.
I want to rest.
I want to stop.
can I stop being yet?
Written at 3:30am
It wasn't a great night, but I don't usually write when I'm happy anyway. I've churned out a few articles, hopefully they get published when everyone wakes up. I was manic earlier but now I've sort of dropped. It doesn't feel good at all.
you know this.
this is why I choose to associate with
people who aren't normal, people who can see past the mask
maybe they can fix me, maybe they can break me again
I wouldn't know.
I don't know anything anymore.
sometimes, I'm just empty
and that leaves me with an ache, wishing I could feel
sometimes, I feel too much
and I'm clawing at my skin, begging for it to stop
I think about the trauma, I think about my experiences
I know other people have it worse
I know this isn't much in the greater scheme of things
I keep telling myself that, but I'm nowhere near altruistic
I keep looping back and forth between wanting and hating myself for wanting
please has never been a word I liked, my pride wouldn't allow it
and now all I am is a series of apologies
between my manic upswings and the crash afterwards
I'm so tired.
I want to rest.
I want to stop.
can I stop being yet?
Written at 3:30am
It wasn't a great night, but I don't usually write when I'm happy anyway. I've churned out a few articles, hopefully they get published when everyone wakes up. I was manic earlier but now I've sort of dropped. It doesn't feel good at all.